fleabag i want someone to tell me what to do
"Enquire the correct questions and the answers will reveal themselves." —Oprah
Westhat should I do with my life? That's a really scary question.
When I started out in my career, I thought I needed a mentor to tell me exactly what to practice, when to exercise information technology, and how to do information technology.
I prayed for this fairy godfather to drop downwards out of Silicon Valley and into my inbox with a consummate roadmap for my life.
As information technology turns out, fairy godfathers don't exist and no mentor—no affair how brilliant—tin deliver a complete roadmap to anyone'due south life.
In the words of Steve Jobs, you can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backward, and so y'all have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
Advising yous to just trust that the dots will connect later on isn't exactly helpful, though. It certainly won't help sort out your career path or relieve any anxiety.
I exercise know something that volition aid, though… Request yourself questions.
"Questions can exist like a lever you use to pry open the stuck hat on a paint tin." — Fran Peavy
Whenever I experience overwhelmed or when I don't know the respond to something, earlier I bother someone smarter than me for the respond, I open a blank medico, and I start typing out questions. Then I try to answer them. I just blazon—no editing, no filtering—only me scribbling my thoughts on the page.
And you know what I've discovered since doing this?
I can answer nearly all of my questions and experience confident most my answers without ever pinging my imaginary fairy godfather. Including the old favorite, "What do I desire to do with my life?"
Knowing what questions to ask tin be hard, and opening a blank Give-and-take md tin experience overwhelming, and so I'm here to share some idea-provoking questions to jumpstart the process for y'all.
Proceed reading for a list of nine questions to answer. They should help you observe who y'all really are, what you lot truly want out of life, and how to get information technology someday.
And trust me, this is the closest matter y'all'll go to a consummate career roadmap. Yous're welcome.
Expect at where you are now 
What led me to where I am today?
This question will tell yous:
- What you intendance well-nigh and why you care most information technology (Your purpose, story)
- What yous're good at and should explore further (Your skills)
- What you enjoy doing (Your interests)
Begin the milestones, relationships, people, jobs, and experiences that brought y'all to where yous are today.
Consider the classes you've taken. Which did you lot excel at? Which were a struggle?
What extracurricular activities are/were you involved in? Did you enjoy some more others?
What part-time jobs take yous had? What did you love/hate near each of them?
What major events in your life take happened that shaped who yous are today?
Consider all of the above when answering this question, then endeavor to connect the dots. Annotation patterns, industries, themes, and clues that could inform your next pace in life.
Ask yourself: What practise I want to proceed doing? Practise differently? Learn from? What industries or careers pop up that may have been hiding in plain sight?
Cardinal Takeaway
Take time to reflect on what you've done so far, and develop a healthy self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses. Use your past experiences to make thoughtful choices about your futurity.
What have I always idea I'd practise for work? Why?
This question volition tell you:
- Why you're doing what you lot're doing
- If yous should exist doing what y'all're doing
What expectations practice yous have for yourself? What expectations do others—parents, friends, teachers, etc.—have of you?
Write them downwards and note why you (and others) take these expectations. Where did they come from?
For example, maybe your dad wants yous to be a md because he thinks it'due south a secure, well-paying task, and he wants you to have a steady income to support yourself.
It'southward of import to know his underlying reason in case y'all don't desire to be a doc and need to tell your father this someday.
I similar this question considering a lot of us, if not all of us, have this piffling "should" monster in our heads.
"I should get to law school."
"I should study business."
"I should become a doctor."
The dangerous thing is we never really explore why we recall nosotros should do these things. Non investigating why you're doing something is a sure-fire way to wake up one twenty-four hour period in your 40s, miserable, thinking: "I absolutely hate what I do. WTF."
If you lot routinely find yourself waging war against this little "should" voice, I recommend checking out our guide to mindfulness . You lot'll notice tips in there about how to talk dorsum to this vox, which tin can assist you lot when you lot notice yourself thinking, "I don't know what to do with my life!"
Key Takeaway
Why practise you do what you exercise? Our motivations matter. Make career choices for the correct reasons (so silence the "shoulds" and ignore the haters).
Find your purpose 
What practice I want?
This question will tell yous:
- How much money yous need to make (salary)
- Where do you want to live?
- What practise you desire your home or apartment to look like?
- What things and experiences do you recall will brand y'all happy?
List everything you want in life, including material items. Encephalon dump everything, even your most distant dreams and desires.
At this stage, it's a good thought to think about how much money y'all need to make to live the lifestyle you want.
Gratis resource: Download our simple budgeting spreadsheet here.
Key Takeaway
Understanding your dreams and goals volition help you make amend, more than educated decisions when it comes to your career and life. Be honest with yourself and revisit this question over the years, as priorities can (and probable volition) modify.
What exercise I want to do every day?
This question volition tell you:
- What careers y'all should consider
- How to savor getting what you want
This question plays a massive role in our overall happiness, but it'due south often disregarded, if information technology'due south even considered at all. It can as well be a chip vague.
Here's what I hateful by it.
In that location'due south a path—a journey—to getting what you want. It's not an overnight type of journey either. This path spans your unabridged life, so you best love whatever it is you have to exercise to get all the things you want in life.
The path you choose to walk is the process by which you become what you desire, i.e. your career/chore.
Regardless of the path you choose—no matter how glamorous—there will definitely be struggles and to-dos that you only don't want to exercise, simply that you have to practise, in order to become to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
And so a better question might be: What pain tin can I tolerate in my life? What am I willing to struggle for?
Do you desire to have time for family unit and friends?
Do you want to work a lot or a little?
How practice y'all want to spend your time?
Do you imagine yourself in an office or working from a java store?
If you don't answer this question, y'all'll default to the easiest and most obvious path to get what y'all want.
For instance, if making a lot of money is important to you, you may study law and become a lawyer. Later in life though, you might have a mid-life crunch, when you realize that you lot detest all of the piece of work that comes with existence a successful lawyer .
Key Takeaway
Create a vision of your ideal life. Retrieve carefully about what brings you lot joy, what keeps you happy and at-home, and what makes you thrive. Also, remember about what things you don't want in life, and so y'all know what to avoid.
What are y'all proficient at and find interesting?
This question will tell you:
- Your skills (yous have or want to learn)
- Your passions
- A list of careers you should exam out (freelance projects, internships, jobs you should attempt to meet if you similar)
I declared business equally my major immediately upon entering higher. I thought any other degree would be useless in today'southward professional landscape.
The affair was, I couldn't pass my business classes. Macroeconomics nevertheless gives me nightmares to this 24-hour interval!
Then I noticed something. I was killing my English language classes, scoring 100s left and right on papers.
Because those Equally felt and so skilful, and considering I seriously loved "Sex activity and the City" at the time, I began exploring the idea of becoming a writer.
The thing was that it but seemed too damn impractical—totally unrealistic.
How would I e'er make money equally a author when the news industry was aging before my optics? (This was xi years ago before content marketing was a thing.)
Plus, I wanted to exist rich. Writers aren't rich.
It took declining macroeconomics—multiple times—to realize I just wasn't cut out for numbers, and finally, I applied to the journalism plan at my school.
Today, I'm a full-time, well-paid (on-my-way-to-rich) writer.
I am where I am today because I tied my skills with my interests, and voila, out popped a phenomenal career that I savour waking up for each day. It besides helped that I trusted that the dots would connect in the time to come.
If you lot have problem figuring out what you lot're good at, ask others who know you lot—teachers, advisors, friends, etc.
If yous're stuck, here are a few more questions to consider.
- What are your superlative talents and skills?
- What kind of tasks excite you lot and keep you engaged?
- What is your favorite pastime? What do you exercise when you lot take no more work to do?
- What topics of conversation are always interesting to you? What do you lot find yourself talking about passionately with others?
- What are your strongest behavior and convictions in life?
- What would your friends and family say are your greatest strengths?
- In the jobs you've held, what tasks take been the virtually satisfying and enjoyable?
Key Takeaway
Take fourth dimension to get to know you . Figure out what your passions and skills are, and then y'all tin and so brand certain yous centralize these aspects of yourself front and center equally you make up one's mind what to exercise with your life.
Identify your tribe 
Who are your favorite types of people?
This question will tell you:
- The type of people y'all'll work best with
- The blazon of people you shouldn't piece of work with
Remember most all the people y'all've had to work with then far—teachers, peers, toxic bosses. Who drove y'all the craziest?
No demand to write names. Instead, particular what about these folks irritated you then much.
Maybe they were bossy and ever telling you lot how to do your job. Or perchance they slacked off and never held their own in the group.
Every career has a characteristic "people environment." These different environments take been divided into six groups, in what is known equally the "Kingdom of the netherlands Lawmaking." Having a good understanding of the groups and how they're dissimilar tin guide you toward choosing jobs and a career path that will connect you lot with similar-minded people you savor working with.
(2nd ed.) Odessa, FL.: Psychological Assessment Resources, Inc.
Understanding which people environment you prefer can help you lot choose a fulfilling career.
This infographic showcases the half dozen full general people environments.
According to the theory, each of us has iii preferred people environments from the six to a higher place.
While y'all can take a test to find your precise 3, Richard Bolles of "What Color is Your Parachute?" recommends a faster road.
Pretend y'all're at a party where people with the same interests are gathered in the same corner of the room, and that's truthful for all half dozen corners.
Each corner is composed of people who fit into 1 of the six categories above: C, R, I, E, S, A.
Ask yourself:
- Which corner of the room are you instinctively fatigued to? This is the group you'd nigh enjoy being with for the longest period of time. Write the letter for that group.
- After 15 minutes, anybody in the corner you chose leaves for another party, except you. Of the remaining groups, which corner/group are you almost drawn to as the group you'd well-nigh enjoy being with for the longest period of time? Write the letter for that group.
- Subsequently another 15 minutes, this group leaves too, except you. Of the corners that remain, which would you about enjoy being with for the longest time? Write the letter for that group.
The three messages you lot chose are your "Holland Code," which tells you your preferred types of co-workers. When thinking well-nigh what you want to do with your life in terms of a career, think near jobs that are likely to attract these types of people.
For instance, if your Holland Lawmaking includes Realistic, Enterprising, and Social groups, you might consider a job in the nonprofit sector. If yous are looking for Investigative, Conventional groups, you might desire a chore in the sciences.
Central Takeaway
The people you surround yourself with volition shape the life yous atomic number 82. Asking this question allows you to know what kinds of friends and colleagues you should seek to build a happy life.
What do you value? In what order?
This question will tell y'all:
- Where you lot should work (the blazon of piece of work civilisation you'll thrive in)
When you lot offset making career decisions, deciding what's most important is a must.
Perchance yous've dreamed of working at a startup. Let's say you get a job offer and the salary is lower than what you were hoping for. Merely the entrepreneur in you is hungry for the responsibility and autonomy you'd gain in this role. Do you value experience over coin?
Or y'all could be deciding between two jobs. 1 is the perfect fit—exactly what you've been looking for, but will likely be long hours. The other is slightly different/less ideal, just offers a dandy bargain of flexibility and piece of work/life residuum. What do you value well-nigh?
In that location'due south no right or wrong answer, though proverb "aye" to ane affair might mean saying "no" to some other . Life and business coach Marie Forleo shares a major turning point in her life when she chose to follow her passion over financial and career security :
Ane 24-hour interval I got a call from the 60 minutes department at Vogue magazine, and they offered me a promotion. So it was an opportunity not merely for a better job, more money, and the meridian fashion magazine in the earth.
So I had this fork-in-the-road moment. I was like, 'Either I'grand going to practice this and accept this promotion and have the steady paycheck, have the health benefits.' People understand what you do when you say you work in magazine. Or I'k going to quit and do this weird coaching affair, which I have no thought what the hell I'm doing. I have never started a business. I had no money. I'm in debt. Only God this feels right in my basic. And so I turned down that promotion, and I quit my full-time job and I went dorsum to what I was doing in college, which was bartending and waiting tables.
The point is: non merely must yous recognize what yous believe in, but also, in what order you believe it, so when it comes fourth dimension to brand the difficult decisions, yous can brand them and feel confident about them even when the overwhelming majority is trying to convince you lot that you're a flaming idiot.
Once you sort out your values, you lot'll know the type of work culture you'll thrive in anytime.
Key Takeaway
If you're like about people, you'll spend a significant portion of your life at work. When you bask the working environment yous're in, it becomes much easier to find fulfillment.
Imagine your future 
What practice I desire to do before I dice?
This question will tell you:
- What y'all want to achieve in life (large moving-picture show)
- How you can commencement ticking things off your saucepan list
What would make you say at the end of your life, "I went all in"?
Listing absolutely everything you want to accomplish earlier you die. It doesn't matter why. In that location could be 100 items on the listing. The number is irrelevant—just encephalon dump.
Once yous've spent a decent corporeality of fourth dimension brainstorming and developing a solid bucket list, carve up it up into three categories:
- Things I need skills for
- Things I tin can do immediately
- Things that I need fourth dimension for
First, go through the skills category and list the skills you'll need to accomplish each bullet point. Then lay out the action programme to acquire each skill you need.
Next, pick something on your immediate list to tick off directly away so you gain some momentum and motivation to keep going.
Finally, which items on the 3rd list would you feel the worst about not accomplishing at the end of your life? Reply that, and y'all have your priorities.
Fundamental Takeaway
The sooner yous go started on your bucket listing, the sooner you can start ticking things off. Take care of the big-picture stuff, and you'll one day look back on the life you led and grinning.
Where do I derive my inspiration?
This question will tell you:
- Who you lot can look to for guidance and mentorship
- What you desire to evidence others virtually yourself
If you've done a lot of the exercises in this article and you're nevertheless finding yourself thinking, "What do I do with my life?" then it may be time to look at some people you observe inspiring.
Make a listing of people whom you look upwardly to. These tin can be people you know—parents, friends, colleagues, etc.—or they can be people you lot've never met, like social justice advocates, celebrities, or politicians.
For each person you come upwardly with, list out the attributes, behaviors, and events that have fabricated them so inspirational to you.
Finally, do a trivial research into the people on your list. If it's someone you know, simply ask them if you lot can choice their brain virtually their journey. If it's someone you don't know, head over to Wikipedia or pick up a biography. Larn near what they went through to go where they are, what they wish they could do differently, and what choices they made to detect success.
While your journeying in life volition be completely unique, hearing from people who accept done what yous want to do tin guide yous as you carve your own path.
Fundamental Takeaway
Finding people who have lived a life similar to the one you want for yourself can requite you a roadmap for your future. You may besides want to consider getting a mentor to make this feel more personalized.
Bring it all together to create a roadmap
Call back at the beginning of this commodity, when I said no 1 was going to come forth and mitt yous a roadmap for life?
Well, I accept some practiced news: If y'all've taken the time to respond all the questions here, and so you've already got the foundation for your roadmap.
At present, you know what really matters to you in life, what stands in your way of getting what you desire, and what areas you need to focus on to brand it all happen.
Take some time away from your answers to let them settle—you may discover equally you ruminate on information technology over the next few days, you desire to add some new reflections to flesh out and refine your answers.
When it's been a few days, come back to it and endeavor turning your thoughts into an actionable programme. Start with the large tasks you want to achieve, and interruption those upwardly into smaller steps.
For example, maybe you lot've decided that y'all really want a career that allows you to enjoy the bang-up outdoors. You lot might create steps like this to accomplish that goal:
- Research average bacon for national park workers
- Look into survival training form at community college
- Visit local nature reserve and interview an employee there
- Plan a month-long camping ground trip to see how I like it
In one case you have these achievable steps planned out, you'll exist well on your way to answering that devious question, "What do I want to do with my life?"
Free resource: Download your own Roadmap Journal here.
Trust that the dots volition connect
"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every co-operative, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a hubby and a happy home and children, and some other fig was a famous poet and some other fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the astonishing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and some other fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and across and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just considering I couldn't make up my heed which of the figs I would cull. I wanted each and every ane of them, but choosing ane meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat in that location, unable to make up one's mind, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the basis at my feet." — Sylvia Plath
Growing up is overwhelming, to say the very least.
I wasn't exactly looking forward to my 30s, but worse is the idea of being 18 again.
I don't miss the figuring yourself out office at all considering information technology's actually freakin' hard and scary. In fact, in farthermost cases, information technology can atomic number 82 to a quarter-life crunch.
I hateful, what if yous make the wrong decision?! Are you screwed?
Non AT ALL.
You WILL try things you don't like and piece of work with people you tin can't stand, but equally long as you learn from it, you're moving forward. And that'southward all life is nigh—getting 1 percent better every day.
Too, don't forget to trust… Trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Like Jobs, this approach has never let me downwards, and it has made all the difference in my career.
It will make all the difference in yours too… if you let it.
Source: https://www.thevectorimpact.com/what-should-i-do-with-my-life/
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